When in Japan: Japanese Men

I don’t mean to come off as sexist, but yes, this is VERY simplified and meant to be humorous.

I was speaking with a Japanese friend about marriage and how difficult it is to find a good man. My advice? Give up on the pretty boys/men and see past a man’s looks to his personality. I’ve found this to be somewhat true in America as well, but the problem seems exacerbated in Japan and I’m sure in other countries as well. It’s odd though, considering the male/female sex ratio in Japan doesn’t seem to be an issue.

Pretty/handsome (Ikemen) Japanese guys: there seem to be two kinds. They are either gay or assholes. If a man takes care of his looks, and he’s not into other men, he knows he looks good and already has women throwing themselves at him. Guys like this tend to go through girlfriends quickly and cheat. (From a man’s point of view, how could he be blamed, with all the temptation?) I call this type the Asshole.

With this thought in mind, I came up with a great pick-up line for her to use when trying to meet men: “My friend says there are two kinds of good looking Japanese men: Assholes and homosexuals. Which are you?” (Later, I found this funny, considering which orifice homosexual men use for sexual gratification…)

If he tries to argue with you about being either, you know he’s an asshole. If he admits to being an asshole, you might at least get a fun night. If he’s homosexual, then you can stop trying. If he says he isn’t good looking, maybe… just maybe, he might not be an asshole.

 

Guest Blogging: How to pretend like you know what’s going on in another language!

Okay everyone, this will be Melissa’s last blog post for now. This was meant to be the first post, but they kinda got posted out of order.  We hope you’ve enjoyed her lovely tales of adventure. Hopefully we’ll get some more if we ask nicely!

Hello Everyone! My names Melissa and Hikari asked me tell a story or two about my experiences in Japan. To start off I am with the JET program, which is a program for foreigners (yeah us!) to teach English in Japan at nursery, elementary, junior, and high school level. This will be my 2^nd year in the JET program and I am loving it!

But not all of my experiences have been rainbows and unicorn poop. Like any person traveling to a different country there were many cultural misunderstandings. In this neck of the woods of Japan, the elderly speak a very special kind of Japanese called “Kuma-ben” which is a nice way of saying that they speak hillbilly. My Japanese skills have never been superb but I thought I could get by. That was until I ran into my first obaa-chan (granny). She stopped me in the street and just kept chattering away. I tried to watch her mouth to perhaps garner a small kernel of what she was saying but alas nothing was making sense. This is where I discovered that all foreigners in Japan can get away with having an entire conversation, not understand a single word, using only 5 words.

Now there are the usual yes/no, nod/guttural sounds (for example `はい` (hai) or `そう、そう｀ (so, so)) all Japanese people make, but there are a couple of responders that work wonders with the elderly. `honto/honto-ni`(本当/本当に) is an expression showing your shock or surprise towards something. Kind of like the English “really?” response we do. `So-nan-da`(そうなんだ) is used to show that you understand something, sometimes but not always the situation is explaining something more serious or perhaps sad (not ALWAYS but sometimes). This would be the Japanese equivalent to “I see…” or “Is that so?” in English. Then there is `naru-hodo` (なるほど) which, like `so-nan-da`, is used to express understanding but in this case you are expressing your understanding towards something that was only recently clarified in the conversation. This would be our “ok, I got it” in English. Then there is the ever wonderful `majide`(まじで！). This, simply put, is “no way!”. An exclamation of surprise or disbelief, and for a foreigner there are plenty of things for you to `majide` about. With these wonderful words in your tool belt you are ready to go.

This is where I return back to my story. As I watched the obaa-chan’s face I looked to see what kind of expression she wore. I also paid attention to her tone of voice. I matched her tone of voice with my responder. If it looked like she was trying to say something interesting or perhaps shocking, I responded with a `majide` or `honto-ni`. If she looked to be saying something more serious or somber then I responded in kind with a `naru-hodo` and did minimal responses. Small head nods and hmms here and there will be enough for that person to think you understand. So the most important thing to remember is to always read the other person and go from there. Read their reactions to your responses and run like the wind when you finally come up with a viable enough of an excuse.

Guest Blogging: Strange/Unusual Japanese Foods

(Once again, my friend Melissa sends us tales of life in the JET program. She is currently living in in Kumamoto Prefecture on Kyushu Island.)

One of the first things that comes to people’s minds when they think about traveling to a foreign country is the different types of food. Most are slight tweaks to a common food that we may have eaten in the past; a type of chicken cooked with a new tropical fruit, or perhaps a type of pasta made with a cheese you’ve never tasted before. All of which are relatively safe and leave your palate piqued with interest but not overwhelmed.

Japan, in my experience, has two very different categories of food. On the one hand Japanese cuisine is famous for being very mild with their flavors and preferring to taste the basis of what you are eating rather than additives. A good example would be sushi where the focus is on the natural taste of the fish rather than any type of seasoning. Even their sweets are very bland in nature. Mild creams and chocolates are just enough to sweeten your taste-buds but not enough to overload them with sugar.

Then there is the strange and unusual category. Different parts of Japan will have their own foods to put in this category but in Kyushu there are a couple of winners that I feel deserve to be mentioned.

Yamame, actual size.

The first and actually the least unusual in this area would be Yamame. This is a type of trout that is caught in the fresh-water rivers in the smaller villages. The fish in about 5-7 inches long, with very little meat on it.

Actual picture of the yamame Melissa ate… to the applause of the entire lunchroom.

The thing that makes this special is that in this part of Japan eating that fish whole, head and all, is the ONLY way to eat that fish. There’s no picking out the bones or taking out the eyes. You eat every little bit of that fish. The audible crunch of the bones and the bitter aftertaste of the organs can be a bit much at first but it grows on you after a while. The thing that sometimes gets you is when they serve a female Yamame. It is considered very lucky to get a pregnant female. The kids during school lunch will gasp in excitement and jealousy when they see the gaping hole of the fish with little eggs spilling out. The ‘pop, pop’ feel of eggs bursting in your mouth like little zits has been something to this day that I struggle with. The bitter salty taste of the eggs and the almost jelly like texture sticks to the roof of your mouth for the entire day.

This next food is something that is very famous in this part of Japan. To start off with I should mention that in Kyushu all forms of meat, fish, sea food, etc. is game to be eaten raw. On several occasions I have been served raw chicken and pork. Now to some this might seem strange but salmonella and other bacterial growths in meat are non-existent in Japan. Eating raw meat is considered very safe and even a preferred health measure since you are getting the full amounts of vitamins and protein without the extra fats and salts that end up in the meat when you cook it. Chicken and beef are not the most unusual raw meat to be served. This next meat can come in at a whopping $100 for a small plate of it raw and the animal itself is actually brought in from the good old USA. So a big round of applause goes out to Montana for supplying Japan with your… can you guess? …HORSIES!

Yep, they eat little ponies on purpose!

Yes, raw horse meat or Basashi is considered a delicacy in this part of Japan. There is even a festival, called the drunken horse festival, where the horses are hand fed beer and are blessed by priests and the people before they are taken to a shrine to… well let’s just say that white lite at the end of their tunnel isn’t from the beer. Now this particular ceremonial BBQ slaughter has changed in the last 10 years due to animal cruelty charges from visiting foreigners, but to this day they will still feed giant Clydesdales beer and have them trop up and down the street with dancers. No eating of the horses but everyone gets to touch the horse and celebrate the memories of old traditions.

(Melissa actually sent this to me before the big UK horse meat scandal. It seemed an appropriate topic to post.) 

Guest Blogging: Sticking the proverbial foot in the mouth

Hiya, all! I’d like to introduce my friend, Melissa! She’s in the JET program and is teaching English to Japanese Elementary students.

As we all know, what we think we’re saying and what’s actually coming out of our mouths can be VERY different things. She’s had a couple of those types of experiences she’d like to share with us.

“My `Oh Shit` Moments” by Melissa B.

Learning a language can be difficult. No amount of book work can prepare you for the little cultural innuendos or dirtier words that you will never find in your textbook. I for one had this happen on 2 occasions, both of which were in very inappropriate locations.

The first time I ever made an `oh shit` moment was during my first week in Japan. I was staying in a hotel near my village while my housing was being taken care of. Every morning I would eat breakfast in the hotel café where the food is prepared by elderly women behind a large stone counter. The food, though delicious, was always just too much for me to eat that early in the morning. After 3 days of only finishing 1/3 of my food one of the old ladies came up to ask me why I wasn’t able to finish the food.

Looking back I should have known better than to say what I did so loud. But at the time I thought `This is my moment to shine` `I can show all these Japanese people my mad skills.` Thinking back to my Japanese lessons in the states about everyday conversations and how many Japanese people shorten their words and sentences to show they are comfortable with the person and the language they are using. I thought I could do this with the phrase: おなかがいっぱい、(onaka ga ippai) which means `I`m full`. I took the first character and the last 2 hoping to make a short new word to express my full-ness. All I can say is that I am an idiot. The new brilliant word I used was おっぱい (oppai) which I am sure for any person who has ever had a conversation with a Japanese person under the age of 30 will know this means boobs. I didn’t. I, very loudly, proclaimed that I was OPPAI while rubbing my entire torso to show that I was indeed very oppai.

The old woman burst into laughter and so did all the business men around me. I thought they were just so shocked that an American chick knew Japanese; so I smirked and internally high-fived myself. It wasn’t until I returned to my room to check the word that I realized my mistake. I face palmed and contemplated never going to breakfast again. To this day whenever I go near that hotel the staff point to me and wave saying `Good morning Oppai-sensei`.

My second `Oh shit` was actually in one of my elementary school classes. It was our body parts lesson and I thought I would make a couple of jokes to get the kids comfortable with some of the more difficult words. We worked on the words for the head first and when we got to the chin I popped in a quick joke about our vice principal. He is a heftier guy with a couple of extra layers under his chin. I explained the best way to remember the word chin in English was to picture the vice principal and count how many chins he has. So I jokingly pointed to a picture and said `Chin, chin` Vice-principal has 2 chins.

The kids burst into laughter and even the teacher was giggling behind her hand. I thought it was because that my joke was just that funny but in reality I had given the kids enough ammo and blackmail for a year. The word chinchin, I came to learn is a childish way to say penis. The kids from that point on when asked about body parts would stick their pointer finger out from their chin to make a small penis chin, giggling saying that they had a face chinchin. I still haven’t lived that one down with my teachers. My only saving grace is that they haven’t told the vice-principal out of self-preservation.

The Japanese have a test for EVERYTHING (almost)

I was planning on a recipe for today’s post after shirking my blogging duties due to increased school pressures and reading the new book in the Rachel Morgan series by Kim Harrison.  (What can I say? When I start one, it doesn’t get put down until it’s DONE.)

However, a Google+ conversation took me elsewhere. We were talking about learning Kanji and the subject of the Kanji Kentei came up. What is this? it’s an aptitude test to show your Kanji understanding level. It goes from Grade 10 (age 7 Kanji from elementary school) to Grade 1 (Past High School level, with a pass rate of LESS THAN 15%! Yes, of those who willingly take this test, over 85% fail it!)

Click for the Kanji Kentei full version!

This got me thinking about how the Japanese have a test for EVERYTHING (almost). They test to get into a good Jr. High (中学校 chūgakkō), High school (高等学校 kōtōgakkō, a.k.a. 高校 kōkō) and University (大学 daigaku).

Many Japanese are required to take the TOEIC or TOEFL if they plan to work in an international company.

Not a Japan native? Try your skills at the JLPT, the language proficiency test for “non-native speakers”.  Going to work in a Japanese company? Be prepared to take the  BJT for Business Japanese.

Want to drive legally in Japan? It’s actually EASIER for foreigners to pass their driving test than it is for natives to pass theirs (it’s a different test). But it’s still a nightmare. (This was true about 5 years ago. I dunno if the rules have changed since then.)

Okay, you got your license and got a car. Now it’s time for your every-other-year inspection, called the Shaken (車検). A typical shaken costs between ¥100,000 (US$1,285) and ¥200,000. (US$2,571). NOTHING can be wrong with the car! Oil leak? FAIL. Out of alignment? FAIL. Is your vehicle over 10 years old? Time for YEARLY inspections! Any rust that they find can FAIL your car!

Okay, enough about vehicles, just stick to the train…

I could go on and on about all the tests you can take in Japan.

But they don’t test for everything. However, many of the things they don’t have tests for involve so much paperwork you wish there was just a test. It’s difficult to find clear English rules about the Japanese side of registering for marriage, but for the Japanese partner, it requires showing a family register or koseki (戸籍).

Well all, I think that’s it for my little story about testing. Do you have anything to add about testing in Japan or another country?

 

Warm Noodles on a Cold Day

Yesterday, I had an extra long period in between classes, so I was able to take a lunch that required some preparation. Since it has been so cold, I thought a nice soup would be good.

Udon w/ chicken & bok choy

The container should look familiar, it’s the hamburger shaped one I reviewed a while back.

The udon was provided by the local grocery store that had it on sale before Christmas. I like these packages where it’s soft and almost ready to eat so that you can have them on the go.

Since udon is quite plain just by itself with the provided soup mix, I added some sliced chicken breast and some simmered bok choy. Everything was easy to prepare ahead of time and I’m thinking of having a salad with the rest of the chicken. The chicken slices fit nicely into the “meat” section of my bento.

I kept the noodles in their package until time to eat, heated up the chicken & bok choy and got some hot water from the cafeteria (I love their constant supply of hot water that’s supposed to be for tea!). Then I added the noodles to the bowl, sprinkled about half the seasoning in, added the water and covered for a couple of minutes to give everything time to mix. I also sprinkled a bit of the soup mix onto my chicken because I didn’t season it during cooking.

When the noodles looked ready, I added the extras and dug in (There’s more vegetable at the bottom of the bowl). My sides included carrot sticks, a mandarin orange and some donut holes. The carrots were victims of grazing while waiting on the noodles, so there aren’t very many left in the picture.

One thing I noticed is that the noodles took up much more room in the bowl than originally expected. This meant less water and thus less of the seasoning packet. I didn’t want to finish a very salty broth at the end, so only seasoned enough for my taste. The udon was also difficult to fit into the bowl as it wanted to retain its square shape from the package.

This lunch had to be easy to clean up because the cafeteria doesn’t really have any place to rinse off dishes except the bathroom. This meant I had to drink all of my broth and use napkins to keep the empty container from dripping afterwards. I’m hoping my salad will be less of a pain in the cleanup category.

Shpadoinkle! Japanese Commercials

There are plenty of things I could have written about, but I want this to still be relevant.

The Japanese make the best commercials in my opinion! They’re something I miss when I do manage to watch a few Japanese shows… they always take out the adverts. But that’s what YouTube’s for! People have gone and made compilations of current commercials for our viewing pleasure!

These are the Japanese end-of-year commercials. The user that uploads these does them every couple of weeks or so! Also, this user doesn’t use a commercial if it’s in a previous compilation, so every commercial is different!

Featured in this set: cell phones, video games, pachinko parlors (Don’t miss the one starting at 1:33!), snacks, anime, music, convenience stores, and more!

I swear, American commercials aren’t as good because they save the best ones for the Super Bowl, and lately they just haven’t been as good even then.

Anyway, some of my favorite commercials include:

Spaceman Jones! (there are more videos in the user’s list!) These were actually hard to find on YouTube, took me a while to find the right search string.

Another of my favorites are the Kappa Sushi series, where this guy is so engrossed with his great sushi deals, he completely ignores the cute little aliens! (Another hard to find set, included are individual links!)

(A few more Kappa Sushi commercials)

http://youtu.be/4iML5j4Icv8

http://youtu.be/rKvSROyFJsQ

http://youtu.be/7YRk3Pu74lg

Also, did you know Japan has Aflac? (Although the newer commercials feature some crazy maneki-neko-duck… thing and he rarely says “AFLAC”! anymore…)

So, do you have a favorite commercial? It can be from Anywhere! Let us know BELOW!

New Year’s: Party Leftovers

Hiya, all! Still keeping your resolutions?

I think I had originally intended to post this yesterday, but…meh… Sorry there aren’t any in-process pictures, I was at a friend’s house and we forgot about the camera so these were taken with a phone.

We had a nice, relatively quiet party at a friend’s house and made sammiches, lots and lots of sammiches.

Everything but the drinks

And Ozoni soup! What’s ozoni? It’s a traditional Japanese soup that’s part of the Japanese New Year foods that are meant to bring good luck, etc. for the rest of the year.

You can’t see the carrot or greenery, but it’s in there!
Garnished with a bit of lime peel.

Mine followed the Southern Japanese tradition of using miso for the broth. We added carrots, tiny beech mushrooms, Shanghai Bok Choy (the only difference is it’s green all over instead of white stemmed with dark green leaves), renkon, boiled eggs and kamaboko (lovely fish cake that tastes very much like imitation crab meat) as well as a piece of roasted mochi. My Japanese friend told me that her family has a tradition of making a sweet version using adzuki beans. While I found this thoroughly amusing, the savory version seemed less likely to be messed up by a couple of half-drunk women in a kitchen.

As for the sandwiches: I was inspired by the cutter giveaway (previous post) and wanted to make lots of bite-sized munchies to stuff in our faces as we celebrated the new-year. We decided on 3 flavors:

The first is a salmon roll.

Lovely salmon rolls! Not exactly round, but delicious!

We mixed pre-cooked, packaged salmon with cream cheese, lemon salt, umeboshi (these are a GREAT, tart addition to tuna or salmon! -Please remove the pits first!-) and sun-dried tomatoes. All this was mixed together and spread on a tortilla, then topped with cucumber and avocado, rolled up, wrapped and stored in the fridge until the rest of the sammiches were finished.

Next came the fruit sandwiches. I really wish I could have found some Hawaiian Sweet bread in a loaf for this, it would have been even better!

The stop in the fridge allowed everything to set and the fruit finished thawing.

I got some vanilla Greek yogurt for this, instead of straining regular yogurt, and it didn’t need much sweetening either. I whipped this with an equal amount of whipped cream and enough sugar to taste until it was… whippy… Not necessarily as firm as normal whipped cream, but not completely runny either. I got some frozen fruit and thawed it until it made juice, as I didn’t want extra-runny sammiches. I used sliced strawberries (I got whole ones and sliced them nice and thin), sliced peaches, blueberries and blackberries. I have a “KrustBuster” that I really don’t like as much as the Japanese sandwich cutters, because it requires thin bread due to the “press” nature of the device. I used regular white bread and had to be careful not to use too much cream or fruit or it would squeeze out during the pressing. These went onto a plate covered with plastic wrap and stashed in the fridge.

Finally, here come the Club Sandwiches!

Yes, traditionally, there’s extra bread, but these were just right!

These were modified from the traditional, because I wanted to make finger sandwiches. We used a multigrain bread, ham, turkey, bacon, tomato and the leftover cucumber & avocado. The bread was toasted lightly and spread with a thin layer of mayo. We tried grated cheese instead of sliced, and it actually worked really well, as it stuck to the mayo. The sandwiches were cut in half and then at an angle.

With all the sandwiches made, the ones stashed in the fridge were cut and plated, the soup was served, and a great time was had by all.

Oh yeah, we also had blooming or flowering Jasmine tea. The picture would have come out better if the bud had sunk to the bottom right away.

The best picture we could get of the flowering tea in bloom.

Thanks to the food, we managed to avoid hangovers, but there are some embarrassing videos of a certain someone playing dance games on the Wii… No, I’m not sharing!

End/Beginning of Year Giveaway (Closed) & an Unexpected Christmas Find.

Hi, Everyone!

Did you have a good Christmas? Are you ready for the New Year?

Just figured I’d let you in on a new giveaway being hosted by our Japanese friends on YouTube: Sandwich press/cutters!

This is just Cooking With Dog’s video, there are SIX OTHERS and all you have to do is follow the instructions for each to get a chance to win these cute, handy sandwich makers. You have until January 4th to get all your entries in. Good Luck!

I’ll go ahead and post all the addresses here:

megwin: http://youtu.be/6lXQ9ofrB9Q
sasakiasahi: http://youtu.be/fK1UifLk_mI
ochikeron: http://youtu.be/ClOpEYk5zV8
MarimoMarshmallow: http://youtu.be/m0eI8J4eM4Y
mosogourmet: http://youtu.be/vx_m6hQ5ALs
kazuch0924: http://youtu.be/x75hd4B1G7Y
cookingwithdog: http://youtu.be/bRl80S0n_yY
Play All 連続再生: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRl80S0n_yY&list=PLOSl0zcwU0DPjjeae9WXNn9a…

In other news, I found something cute to use for sauce containers in bento.

Cute, lidded sauce containers from something that used to hold gum!

I was visiting a friend after Christmas when I noticed these cute things lying around. When I asked about them, it turned out they had originally held gum. They came in a six-pack from the dollar store! When I expressed my interest in them, she said I could have the empty ones and that she was just going to throw them away. While the stickers on top won’t really last past a washing, they can be peeled off/replaced with something else, and I think they’ll make perfect mayo/sauce cups for my bentos! Just keep in mind they’re not meant to be used for thin liquids like soy sauce as the lids aren’t very tight, but would be great for mayo, ketchup or thick dressings & sauces.

Here they are in one of my larger boxes.

How did I miss these?! I’ve been to the dollar store at least half a dozen times in the past couple of months! I know it’s a bit late to find these now, but Valentine’s and Easter are just around the corner, so if you’re interested keep your eyes open for something similar with a different holiday theme!

Alternative Gift-Wrapping Idea: Return of the Furoshiki!

(Sorry, everyone! This was supposed to be Wednesday’s post, but the auto-post didn’t work for some reason… and of course it took me until today to realize it wasn’t posted. Anyway, it’s here today!)

Aren’t they pretty?

Everyone’s gotten their (Insert Holiday Here) shopping done, right? Have you wrapped all of your presents? Are you tired of seeing your carefully folded, taped and be-ribboned masterpieces torn apart and discarded?

While you can’t really help what the kiddies will do to a gift, they don’t really care how carefully it’s wrapped anyway. But what about your friends, co-workers or lover(s)? While it’s tempting to throw the gift into a bag and call it done, being able to wrap a gift and make it look lovely shows you took the extra step and that you thought about them.

Why not try using furoshiki? I know I gave a bit of a tutorial for wrapping items in my American Bento part 3, but I would like to consider other items that can be wrapped beautifully, like bottles. Many people like to give a bottle of wine when visiting a house for a party, so instead of simply placing it in a wine bag, why not wrap it with a beautiful scarf or other piece of fabric? I’ve been using it for my water bottles for years as a carrying mechanism, and will demonstrate using my cheap bandana wraps and a reused tea bottle.

First: how to make sure your wrap is big enough?

Arizona Tea has such lovely blue bottles!

Just set the bottle down in the center of the fabric, take diagonal ends and see of they can tie across the top comfortably in a double knot.

Wine bottles take a bit more finesse.

For Wide Bottles: Lightly roll your fabric and wrap around the bottle twice. Can you make a double knot? If so, you’re ready to begin!

Yes, it’s that simple!

Next: Prepare your bottle using the first step above, (Making sure the nice side is down!) making a double knot over the top. Then, cross the fabric across the back of the bottle, and back around to the front. (I find it’s easier to do this in my lap so I can control the bottle and it helps me keep the knot on top from slipping.)

It was hard to show the fabric crossing around the back…

Then you just tie that into a double knot and you’re done!

Yeah, not as pretty as the professional version, but this is just a bandana. It’s much nicer with some satiny fabric!

Decoration: If you like, slip a holly twig or clipping of pine into the knot, or include some other festive decoration like a candy cane or ornament.

Option 1: Tying a handle loop into the top: If you have enough fabric, simply take the ends and make another double knot at the very end, and you have a carrying loop!

Option 2: Try other ways of twisting the cloth at the fold: Here, I’ve twisted the fabric back on itself, making a decorative twist. You can also try a single knot.

I had to use a different fabric to show the twist.

There are many other decorative ways of wrapping up a bottle with a cloth, but this method is easiest. I have found a YouTube video that shows this method with the handle loop.

Also, there’s the easier two-bottle method! Just keep in mind it involves a cloth big enough for two bottles. I don’t have such a cloth, so can’t demonstrate myself.

And don’t forget all the other things you can wrap with your fabric!

From the official Japanese page.

Merry ChristmaHanukaKwanzakah Everyone!